The Cycle of Love, Life, and Affection: Role of The Past and The Present:
Many times, when two people meet or experience a relationship no matter how brief or elongated, some linen of a past life could always be found in the circumstances surrounding the beginning and end of such relationship. This is usually the case if one could look at the situation objectively from a detached point of view. Many times, these circumstances are so obvious and simple that we ignore them or take them for granted. Sometimes we are in denial of the true purpose of the relationship and instead dwell on the emotional impression that appears to be driving the relationship.
Usually, when such emotional drive runs out of gas or hit the wall, many of us then pause to make an assessment of how and why the relationship come about in the first place. Incidentally, at such time the assessment of the concerned individuals may become tainted by the inability of their bruised heart to see the underlying lessons in the relationship. At such times the human instinct puts up a defensive attitude that tries to see how the other person went wrong, but we usually forget to look within and figure out if we went wrong somewhere or that perhaps the relationship came to an end just because it has ran its full course.
The Chance to End A Cycle or To Continue:
Sometimes, a relationship that may have started in the past runs its natural course in the present and therefore come to an end due to no dominant fault of either party, especially when the parties need to move on to another lesson. At such times both parties would do well to move on without holding any grudges against the other. Incidentally, while some may objectively accept and understand the situation and therefore close that chapter and move on to the next stage of their lives, others put the blame on the other party. They simply fail to learn the lesson or forgive the situation. Instead they allow their emotions to lead them on. So in line with human defensive mechanism, after they destroy what would have been a good relationship or closure they jump into another relationship to suit their ego or soothe their emotions – the rebound effect.
Interestingly, because such persons are in denial or fail to learn the lessons or even forgive the situation, the same problem(s) continues to follow them into the next situation in life, be it the next job, the next relationship, the next residence, and even the next lifetime. Usually the concerned party may not even realize that it is the same problem that is coming back again and again simply because the problem takes the appearance of a different nature even though it is still the same in substance. This continues until the moment or lifetime when such a person stands up to the situation and deals with it once and for all.
Life Opportunities to Balance the Past:
Life offers the individual numerous opportunities to balance his/her past and move on. Some individuals seize such chances to grow and move on, while others even sink deeper because they let their emotions drive their thoughts and actions. Sometimes an individual is attracted to another due to an affection that may have been kindled somehow in the past, and they get together to continue or conclude what they may have started in the past. At other times, an individual may fail to understand the opportunity he/she may have been given to pay back what was owed another person in a past life. They may see their acts from the present perspective and therefore think that their “good deeds/gestures” started in the present and that the recipient therefore owes them something, when in actual fact they have simply repaid what they owed and should move on without expecting any reward. Sometimes the gesture, deed, or gift may not be of a material kind but one of affection, care, or feeling. Because such expectation is perhaps shrouded in some emotional attachment to the other person (the recipient), the individual becomes emotionally bruised or “heart broken” when the recipient of their esteemed “good gesture” fails to reciprocate their “good gesture” or “affectionate” feeling.
When such happens, the individual who believed he/she had given “love” would conclude that the recipient had failed to reciprocate their “good gesture or love,” and they would strongly believe this even when the other person may not have asked for such love, affection, good deeds, or gestures in the first place. Sometimes the individual may have forced the so-called “love” or “good gesture” on the recipient whether the recipient asked for it or not. Interestingly, the individual would insist that he/she had given “true love’ to the other person when the individual had actually given a somewhat selfish kind of love with some kind of expectation in mind.
Celebrity Love and Stalkers:
Some individuals eventually wake up to the true assessment of things and they make amends and move on. However, in some cases, no amount of reasoning would convince the individual to move on even when his/her love may not have been directly returned. That could explain why celebrity-stalkers always insist that a particular celebrity was destined to be their life partner or love mate. Such stalkers would go around telling whoever would listen that they have done so many nice things for the celebrity and that they therefore deserve some return of affection or attention from the celebrity. This usually remains the conviction of the stalker even when the stalked person has never met or asked for anything from the stalker. Sometimes the stalker becomes so desperate that he/she would want to eliminate the celebrity’s loved ones for getting more of the celebrity’s attention.
Many things have been attributed to love that it is sometimes doubtful to say what is love. However, a few facts remain clear. True love demands nothing in return. It is not given with an expectation in mind. It goes with no strings attached. It does not covet or possess. It gives freely. It feels the pain when the other person is in pain and it rejoices when the other person attains something positive in life, be it in a different relationship, a new job, or career. True love understands. True love tolerates. True love knows that love is indeed the most powerful force in the universe and therefore cannot be outdone by any other force. True love is patient for it knows that love is freedom and cannot be forced or compelled, but will always be how, where, and when It will.
Much to Learn:
Love is the backbone of existence. It is like truth – so simple that its simplicity makes it complicating. Perhaps that is why it could take lifetimes to be comprehended.
Find your own meaning. I still have very much to learn.
©Oliver O. Mbamara,
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Oliver Mbamara is an Administrative Law Judge with the State of New York.
He is also a filmmaker and a Published Poet and playwright. For more on Oliver, please visit
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